18 March 2008

Apocalypse How?

During this time of year, especially in the northern climes where everyone is forced inside by the bitter cold, and for us especially down here in the desert, the winter has lingered weeks beyond what we usually expect. This morning I had frost on my car windows and there was snow on the ground 20 miles all around the city. Yes it's cold here... but it's a dry cold.

This may wander ones imagination into ideas of palm skirted beaches in the warm sun, surfboards, tequila and the total extermination of all humans on the planet through some kind of un-foreseen virus or planetary h-bomb war. Not so far fetched. Except that Jane(my girlfriend) and I are the only ones left on earth. That's probably not your fantasy. I don't blame you. But really, we are just trying to being realistic here. Jane and I have skills, you don't. (The Apocalypse fantasy always starts with "I'm special.")

I know for a fact you've investigated this fantasy. Really, best outcome available to this is that everyone else is gone. Yup, and incredibly, there are no zombies or infected wildlife trying to defile you with that deadly virus. Everyone is simply gone and you have all the canned goods ever to keep you afloat (unless you're a stickler for the expiration dates.) You can get around on Airforce One, sail the seas in an empty oil tanker, and take a trip in the space shuttle if you can find a way to press all the buttons at the same time. Oh, shit, there's no electricity. Well, there's a lot of matches and lighters laying around.

So what would you do? Surround yourself with jewels? Move into the royal palace if you could get across the ocean? Collect Picasso paintings and wipe your ass with them? Well probably something smaller. Sailing the ocean for someone inexperienced would probably spell out doom. So, staying with our continent. Move north in the summer and south in the winter. You need a car. Maybe you live in it. You'd have time to become a master mechanic. In nature, living by the shore is easy living. You'd want to do that. Mussels, clams, fish, etc. Maybe just stay near the equator. Oh shit, we're back at that island paradise again! Maybe we just all want to live on a deserted island in paradise. Get away from the pollution. The people pollution. (goes to store to buy dark aviator sunglasses and a hoodie sweatshirt.)

No comments: